"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, But I am not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I mean"
-Someone wise, I think...
Yep! Here we are again in the Doc office, you been very bad! HA! I'll shut up I don't even make sense, anyways, here ware are! Ahem.. Today we are gonna cover COMMUNICATION MOTHER FUCKER! ok lets get right into this. I am a victim of having terrible communication skills. A notorious one. And in certain lengths, I still struggle greatly. I always forget that the internet cannot read emotion, or that in fact, just because you have something to say, doesn't mean you should keep coming back to say it. Phew, its hard sometimes, it really is, I am a patient dude, like overly patient but I totally have my triggers. Lets roll in nice and easy. So I can power bomb your ass with logic!
To start there are 4 ways we choose to communicate, there is also ONE happy medium, sure you can have traits from all three. But I repeat, there is only ONE happy medium, effective way to communicate. OK lets move on. Those 4 ways of communication are as follows. Passive, Assertive, Passive Aggressive and Aggressive communication skills. Your communication skills do not define the person you are, they are not your genetics, and with LOTS OF HARD WORK, they can be changed. The way I have them written, is the way to find the medium. Its a really tough word, lets say it together A-S-S-E-R-T-I-V-E🖤 It is a life saving word, it will validate your stance in all. Need a long detailed chart? Whelp, I do so we can move forward!
OoOoOoOo Charty sorry that is hard on the eyes! Just get the basics
Now, here's the thing, YES, you can totally have aspects from all.. I have disorders, they make me overly empathetic, timid, reckless, structured, and all things all at once. I can spend an hour trying to approach a conversation, but I don't. Although it takes me hours and hours to put together a 5 minute read, just to make sure is coherent enough, I have issues processing my mind in conversation, I am a learned dude, but asking me to explain things turns into a mess, and I have a tendency of being stern and grounded and just believing my opinion is right, because my opinion, is 'every opinion'. What that means is I gained the experience to approach from all ends. (except a rich dude, money is enjoyable... but stupid). I don't toot my own horn too much, but I am pretty well versed.
My downfall is social issues, that's why I DO NOT bring them to the Facebook table, but they will always be here, and you know, maybe I should be direct and post them more in subtle ways through memes like everything else. My concern? We don't need that stress on Facebook, and I am not fond of getting into social issues with my fans. It's tacky, and I appreciate the hell out of anyone who likes my stuff. I wouldn't do it without my posse listening. But on my personal page? I can run AMUCK on things I don't like, I speak out loudly and often. I keep coming back for more and it becomes even messier. I choose to write it out here under this name.
I can control myself much better here, and think things through in conversation. I always tend to listen, and then expect someone to expect me to respond right away. WRONG, that is NOT how we should do things folks. The chart says so!😐😀 Now, you may have noticed there is not Passive Aggressive stuff there, I am VERY Passive I USED TO be very Passive Aggressive, and I think a lot of us fall into that category out of fear, so it has its own special chart right here!
Being passive aggressive is possibly the worst communication skills to have, because it agreeable to anything, with like sarcasm and no understanding. Being passive aggressive can kill relationships, create unsafe situations with others, and honestly, people are not dummies, another word by todays standards could be "Toxic", because we have lost all meaningful conversation, and such, being passive aggressive, is the way to be on the internet. And sadly, the internet is most of our communication. So in a world of passive aggressive behaviors, how do we stay grounded as a whole? Well, its hard, but follow along, we will take easy steps to open your mind to change....lessgo....
TIPS FOR SPEAKING AND ACTING ASSERTIVE
Prepare Yourself for A Neutral Conversation, remember to take the time to process what was said, and your response to it. Wait until the emotions of what was said have processed to begin to analyze your answer.
Always Stay Calm, keep your voice grounded and reasonable, a sarcastic tone is not going to mend things in an emotional conversation, this person is pouring their opinion out, as hard as it is, we have to analyze their hurt and feelings in a situation and reflect back how to fix things.
ALWAYS ASK FOR CLARIFICATION. If you misunderstand, or taken aback by something, give the other person a reasonable opportunity to explain their thoughts. Remember, they may have a sour taste from perceived intentions also.
Stay focused on the Moment and Problem at Hand, if the conversation directs away from the problem, get it under control and continue along the road.
The best way to ask for something, is to ask directly. So it sounded a little foolish? You were honest about your needs, you win!
Allow Time for Reflection, a lot of times, when we face ourselves it takes time to sink in so we can establish a response. Demanding answers and same way thinking with no explanation gets no one, nowhere.
Compromise, this does not mean one way or the other, this means sitting through a discussion and pointing out the good, bad, ugly, and meeting in the middle and analyzing together.
Use Negative Assertation. This means being open to saying "Well that is true, it is totally one of my faults" and see where it goes. This does not mean letting yourself be opened up to ridicule, it simply means recognizing your faults and admitting them.
Inquire on Someone's Negative Talk About You. If someone says "You are speaking incoherently" or the dreaded "You are acting crazy" ask them how to help you clarify, admit you are flustered, don't like point out more faults. Just ask for clarification
Think of this in tough times
Ok friends, you know what else is helpful in these times? I STATEMENTS! They are assertive, they express how YOU feel and they are respectful when used correctly.
Instead of using terms such as "You don't care because you always decide to (idk..) arrive home late". Ground yourself, just a second, and use I statements such as "I FEEL HURT when you are late because I worry" Will it go over well? I am not a magic man unfortunately, I cant predict the future. What I WILL say is that YOU will feel either better, or the other person just will not have this discussion or care. What do you then? Walk with me one more time... you start from scratch. Go back to the basics with this person, say "Lets do this together and figure out our feelings" From there, you can establish your relationship over honest feedback if willing, and you have successfully started to assertively communicate your needs. Thanks for reading, and Stay RAD!
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