I love movies. All genres and most subject matter. There is a specific and deep love that I hold for horror and sci-fi. So, when the two genres blend I am (more than likely) already predisposed to declaring it one of my favorites sight unseen. That being said, Tin Can was a piece of shit that I watched so you don’t have to.
Released in 2022 and filmed in 2020 with a runtime of 1 hour and 44 minutes, Tin Can boasts decent practical FX and actors who play their parts well. The always scene stealing Michael Ironside is given top billing in the actors list on all of the promotional material and the digital art for the movie. I used “scene stealing” intentionally. I am enough of a fan that if he had been on screen for longer than 1 minute and 30 seconds, it may have changed my opinion entirely. But he wasn’t. He did, however, have an additional 3 minutes or so of off screen voiceover work that I would’ve given shit about if the rest of the movie had given me cause to.
If you’ve read this far you may have noticed that I skipped a summation of the plot as you’d expect to find in most movie reviews. Thats because it honestly doesn’t fucking matter. A good film or book or story takes you out of your life for the time that you watch or read or listen to it. For the time you enjoy a story, you care more about the outcome for the fictional people in the tale than you do about your real world issues. Its not always to the same degree which is what separates a truly great film from the average movie. But it’s always there on some level. I did not give one single half hard dry hump at a used Goodwill fleshlight about this waste of a film. There isn’t a single likable character or moment involved in it.
By the end of its hour and forty-four minute playtime I hadn’t found anything of value to speak about. I will never watch it again because theres no point. I purchased the movie at a discount and still feel ripped off. If we used a “out of 10 stars” rating system I would give this movie a lump of chewed up expired cheese. Which, by the way, would be more entertaining to watch than this fucking movie was. To wrap this up, Tin Can was garbage. Don’t bother with it. If you know anyone who has seen it, reach out to them and ask if they’re okay. Warn others if you have reason to believe they may be thinking about indulging in this film. You will actually be making the world a better place.
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